When Empathy Hurts Us

The same empathy that once made Ben & Jerry’s a symbol of conscience is also what drove Jerry Greenfield to walk away. Jerry Greenfield, co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s, has walked away from the company he built after 47 years. His reason? The social conscience that made the brand famous has, in his words, been muted under Unilever’s ownership. For decades, Ben & Jerry’s wasn’t just about ice cream - it was about peace, justice, and human rights. But when Greenfield felt the company could no longer speak freely on issues he cared about, he resigned.

This wasn’t just a business decision for him. It was moral and values-based. And it offers a lesson about empathy that we don’t talk about enough: empathy, unchecked, can do damage to ourselves and others. 

When Empathy Hurts

Empathy is often seen as an unalloyed good: the capacity to feel with others, to be moved by injustices, to want to help. Feel more, care more, give more. It builds connection, it inspires change, and it upholds moral responsibility. But there are times when empathy costs too much. When staying silent for the sake of harmony chips away at your integrity. When pouring yourself out for others leaves you empty. When your willingness to carry the weight of the world makes you lose your own footing.

That’s the danger of empathy without boundaries. It turns from a bridge to others into a burden on yourself. In empathy research terms, this facet of empathy is called personal distress. 

Empathy can hurt for several reasons:

• When the cost becomes too great: If being empathetic means continually sacrificing one’s own voice, values, or agency, the emotional, moral, or even physical toll can be heavy.

• When systems or institutions block us: As in Greenfield’s case, when the architecture around you — legal agreements, corporate structures, power dynamics — acts to silence or constrain, the conflict between what you believe and what you can do becomes painful.

• When self-neglect creeps in: Empathy without boundaries can lead to burnout, guilt, or resentment. If you always give, always care, always fight, with no space for rest or for protecting your core, you may lose parts of yourself.

Protecting Yourself while Giving to Others

Greenfield’s resignation is a reminder that our level of empathy requires balance. It’s a way for him to protect himself because the reality is that you can’t fight for justice if you’re tired. You can’t uphold values if you’re forced to compromise them. And you can’t keep giving if you never protect the part of you that allows you to care in the first place. Caring, standing up, and giving are deeply human and are often noble in their intent. But they’re not limitless. Sometimes protection is necessary so that your capacity to act remains sustainable. Here’s how you can protect yourself: 

1. Know your non-negotiables
   What values are core to you? What are the lines you refuse to cross? For Jerry Greenfield, part of the non-negotiable was independence to speak up and act in certain ways. When he felt that was lost, staying became untenable.

2. Set boundaries
   You can choose how much you give, where, and to whom. Boundaries help prevent giving from becoming self-harm. Sometimes that means stepping back, delegating, saying no, or leaving situations that compromise your integrity.

3. Watch for erosion
   Be alert to a gradual loss of voice, influence, or values. As happens often, things don’t change overnight; people are often pushed to compromise in little ways that accumulate. When those add up, it's important to reassess.

4. Advocate for structural protections
   Whenever possible, build agreements, contracts, and institutions that embed what matters: fairness, justice, voice. Greenfield and Ben Cohen negotiated a merger agreement that was meant to guarantee Ben & Jerry’s mission and values even under new ownership. In fact, Ben & Jerry’s has sued Unilever in the past when they’ve felt the parent company overstepped and didn’t honour this agreement.

5. Allow yourself to walk away
   Sometimes protecting yourself means resigning, leaving a partnership, or making a public stand. These are painful, because they often involve loss — of identity, of community, of comfort — but staying may cost more in the long term: your peace, your values, your sense of self. His departure invites us to ask: how do we stay empathetic without breaking ourselves in the process? Not all of us have the power to walk away.

Greenfield’s decision hurts. It marks the end of something idealistic, even radical, in American business. But it also illustrates a truth many of us avoid: caring for others is inseparable from caring for yourself. Empathy without self-protection isn’t compassion — it’s collapse.

And if one of the founders of the world’s most outspoken ice cream brand can remind us of that, maybe it’s a lesson worth heeding far beyond the freezer aisle. Empathy gave Ben & Jerry’s its soul. Greenfield’s departure reminds us it also demands protection, because without boundaries, even the most noble care can turn into self-erosion..